You Were The Change In Me

You were Spring.

You brought the warmth in your smile,

Melting the icicles around my hardened heart.

Dried my tears so fast I forgot what I was even crying about.

Each exhale your body allowed, would blow the grey clouds further apart.

The twinkle in your eyes as if the brightness of the Sun,

Illuminating with the warmest glow to announce your welcome.

You were the end of my freezing nights,

The beginning of my blooming garden which was once snow covered and forgotten about.

You were Summer.

Your unwavering eyes on me caused blushes only the blistering heat could create.

Like water droplets condensing on window panes; dripping wet-

Your whispers amplified my voice in utter agreement-

As if the perfect combination of iced water& freshly squeezed lemons,

I swear our moments of happiness would have been the equivalence of Spring break attendees on the Cuba beaches.

You were the fully bloomed roses, evergreen hill tops, the smell of freshly cut grass.

You were the freedom riding down endless roads with our favourite songs on full blast.

Your breath on my neck, as if the breeze making a promise to the trees-

Guaranteeing that the lonely nights would end sooner than the rest of times.

You were Autumn.

With the change as sudden as the winds turning colder,

How our smiles turned into frowns like the change of colours the leaves were wearing.

Searching for beauty within the rustling of dried leaves& sweeping them up after-

Trying not to reminisce how beautiful they once were.

As if preparing for the coldness that would arrive, as if preparing for the heartbreak that I could not handle;

Thicker sweaters mimicking your arms, hot chocolate replacing your kisses, pumpkin pies to relive the comfort of the home we once built.

As if a costume during Halloween, how you removed a mask I once believed was your true self.

I could have left for greener pastures; but call me naive-

Because I stayed on hoping for the weather to return to its former.

You were Winter.

Nights arriving sooner than I was used to, 

Days were lazier than the usual- didn't see the point of leaving my now only comfort of solace.

You were the reason why I developed the habits of hibernating animals,

Simply wishing to sleep through the entire winter, still hoping to awake to warmer weather.

Fireplaces, drinking soup or hot chocolate, laying under sheets- doing anything to pretend you were still providing me heat-

You enjoyed throwing snowballs to hurt, building snowmen that couldn't feel,

Creating your ideal angels in the snow, I guess I was living in those shadows-

And with the grey skies hovering over me, I guess the only thing I can do now is to keep looking up till the Sun emerges once again. 

You were the change in me.

This is Enough

This is Enough

I've looked at you from afar many times, wanting more but unsure of what the definition of more was. So the first time you looked back at me across the table over lunch, with those brown eyes of yours; albeit the kindest, softest and purest brown eyes I have ever seen and listening to every word I was speaking with a crooked smile, one which my heart instantly branded into my mind- that was enough.

When you held your hand in mine, I then realized I have never held a hand which had the wear of too many hard days and the softness of too many nights tears has seeped through. How you held on tightly with fingers enveloping mine as if they had always belonged there; and without words spoken assured me with the morse code only my heart can comprehend. Every time my hand latched onto yours, you mirrored my strength as if a clutch in the fastest Aston Martin- my heart; mind; sight was racing through the endless roads of possibilities without a destination in mind. That was enough. 

During the end of our long nights, your weary sighs causes echoes that bounces off the white walls and wrinkles would be engraved around your eyes- consequences the days bring which are as crumpled as the shirts your body wears home. I would ask how your day was and as you narrate another chapter from the book of yesterdays, your aching shoulders fall back into the bed, sinking into my carrier of dreams I have had of you. Despite carrying the world on your shoulders everyday, you would still gesture for me to come closer into your arms; to hold me. That moment of silence, as we both sigh into each other, replicating the perfect formation of ying and yang- that was enough. 

This morning, just before you hurriedly left work, you infused the room with the intoxicating smell of your cologne, which my being now recognizes as your scent. I rolled over, still feeling the warmth of your essence lazily cooling off. When I finally awoke to your messages; of which the tone was the equivalence of birds chirping and leaves rustling during autumn mornings-  I inhaled the sweet effervescent of your exhale and smiled to myself. You had texted what was cowardly dwelling in the back of my mind- the unbelievable admittance of missing me despite the nights spent together just hours prior. I felt a pleasant jolt through my spine, as if love was being infused into my bones, as it had been everyday since the first time you laid your eyes- those beautiful brown eyes on mine. This, this is enough. 

For The First Time

For The First Time

For the first time,
I see those colours
I hear the ones basking in happiness speak about.

That yellow, warm sunlight, starry night skies.
All my sorrows have melted away
Like glistening butter swirling
My head twirling, spinning,
How does his humbling words do that?

That natural confidence
Add his knowledge so vast
Regarding anything green
& in his mahogany arms,
I feel as though blanketed underneath
A pile of neatly swept autumn leaves
When we fall to sleep peacefully
Entwined at night.

Those blue, rings around his eyes
So kind baby, blew me away
Each time he calls my name
Sky- high;
He protects me with his life
I never needed to worry
If he would return, trust
Worthy man of his kind.

As though, my royal king in purple,
His mystery, will always hold my gaze.
Amazed, in a daze
Watching his lips turn up as he laughs
Innocence; my shoulders showing

Nervousness upon receiving his velvet
Kissing, vibrating till my toes, how does he do that?
Stealing my breath, dissolving my woes in it's effervescence.

That red, hot, scorching, intensifying
Excites every part of me, especially
His whispers of sweet
Everything-s, is turning me pink
Brings out of the woman in me
I have missed being around
His fiery passion of life, his spirit,
I now live the dream in reality

Of beautiful beginnings, in every awakening.

How he's so clear and precise,
So sure and concise of
How his life now comprised, of me.
When he hugs me from behind
I am blind,
Fireworks in the black skies;
White flashes of pictures never taken,
The rest of the world
Momentarily greys in comparison.

I've always paid attention to the negativity of life,
Always too close to resorting to the knife,
No longer need to fill, feel the void,
No longer paranoid,
&for the first time-
I no longer wake up
Shivering, shaking, withering like the flowers
In the beginning of winter mornings.

I have finally arrived at the end of the rainbow.