This is Enough

This is Enough

I've looked at you from afar many times, wanting more but unsure of what the definition of more was. So the first time you looked back at me across the table over lunch, with those brown eyes of yours; albeit the kindest, softest and purest brown eyes I have ever seen and listening to every word I was speaking with a crooked smile, one which my heart instantly branded into my mind- that was enough.

When you held your hand in mine, I then realized I have never held a hand which had the wear of too many hard days and the softness of too many nights tears has seeped through. How you held on tightly with fingers enveloping mine as if they had always belonged there; and without words spoken assured me with the morse code only my heart can comprehend. Every time my hand latched onto yours, you mirrored my strength as if a clutch in the fastest Aston Martin- my heart; mind; sight was racing through the endless roads of possibilities without a destination in mind. That was enough. 

During the end of our long nights, your weary sighs causes echoes that bounces off the white walls and wrinkles would be engraved around your eyes- consequences the days bring which are as crumpled as the shirts your body wears home. I would ask how your day was and as you narrate another chapter from the book of yesterdays, your aching shoulders fall back into the bed, sinking into my carrier of dreams I have had of you. Despite carrying the world on your shoulders everyday, you would still gesture for me to come closer into your arms; to hold me. That moment of silence, as we both sigh into each other, replicating the perfect formation of ying and yang- that was enough. 

This morning, just before you hurriedly left work, you infused the room with the intoxicating smell of your cologne, which my being now recognizes as your scent. I rolled over, still feeling the warmth of your essence lazily cooling off. When I finally awoke to your messages; of which the tone was the equivalence of birds chirping and leaves rustling during autumn mornings-  I inhaled the sweet effervescent of your exhale and smiled to myself. You had texted what was cowardly dwelling in the back of my mind- the unbelievable admittance of missing me despite the nights spent together just hours prior. I felt a pleasant jolt through my spine, as if love was being infused into my bones, as it had been everyday since the first time you laid your eyes- those beautiful brown eyes on mine. This, this is enough. 

For The First Time

For The First Time

For the first time,
I see those colours
I hear the ones basking in happiness speak about.

That yellow, warm sunlight, starry night skies.
All my sorrows have melted away
Like glistening butter swirling
My head twirling, spinning,
How does his humbling words do that?

That natural confidence
Add his knowledge so vast
Regarding anything green
& in his mahogany arms,
I feel as though blanketed underneath
A pile of neatly swept autumn leaves
When we fall to sleep peacefully
Entwined at night.

Those blue, rings around his eyes
So kind baby, blew me away
Each time he calls my name
Sky- high;
He protects me with his life
I never needed to worry
If he would return, trust
Worthy man of his kind.

As though, my royal king in purple,
His mystery, will always hold my gaze.
Amazed, in a daze
Watching his lips turn up as he laughs
Innocence; my shoulders showing

Nervousness upon receiving his velvet
Kissing, vibrating till my toes, how does he do that?
Stealing my breath, dissolving my woes in it's effervescence.

That red, hot, scorching, intensifying
Excites every part of me, especially
His whispers of sweet
Everything-s, is turning me pink
Brings out of the woman in me
I have missed being around
His fiery passion of life, his spirit,
I now live the dream in reality

Of beautiful beginnings, in every awakening.

How he's so clear and precise,
So sure and concise of
How his life now comprised, of me.
When he hugs me from behind
I am blind,
Fireworks in the black skies;
White flashes of pictures never taken,
The rest of the world
Momentarily greys in comparison.

I've always paid attention to the negativity of life,
Always too close to resorting to the knife,
No longer need to fill, feel the void,
No longer paranoid,
&for the first time-
I no longer wake up
Shivering, shaking, withering like the flowers
In the beginning of winter mornings.

I have finally arrived at the end of the rainbow.

Fucking Ain't Conscious

Fucking Ain't Conscious

Their edition of the sex bible states:  "It's sexy when a woman's in charge."

Ask them about me and they will tell you I am strong

Ask if I pretended, they will laugh, saying I never cared if I was wrong

Never followed instructions, but always gave when they asked,

Till I memorized the spots, deep into the roots of their lust.

They always lose control,  and as if I held the remote,

They would beg for me to stroke, surrender as their ego would grow, 

Their moans would sing what I called " the anthem of the domesticated".

Yesterday I realized, that was just the soundcheck, not the entire fucking soundtrack.

You see, I've marked all the places I've discovered on a map that only I have ventured

Them boys don't realize that every girl, leaves a special taste. 

Like a different state, but er, kinda still the same place. 

Them boys, copies, pushes the same wrong buttons, go up and down like an elevator.

Predictable, no surprises, steady, nothing ever escalated.

Duplicated by the steps, which.. came first, original, but no, not the best.

You are the sequel, but I can't say you are my favorite, you can't be compared to the rest.

The fact that you didn't start by pushing my head down, asking me to suck

Immediately I was lost, I was freaking out, thinking what the fuck

Cos to be honest I would have been fine with just hearing your grunts

a man who gave me his hand to hold, instead of his dick to lead into my hole.

Man, you looked at me, not my boobs, my ass, so firm, your gaze, goddamn

Aaaaaaand I'm wet, my pussy, filled with your fingers, overflowing, well

You said, "Relax, I aim to please." Do nothing? I almost forgot how.

Boy, made my knees so fucking weak, and the moment you were in me,

You were a canoe in the rapids, rough, waves, coming, so hard

Yet no mishandling, finally with proper use,  it's as if you went to school

Learnt to play the keys of my piano, I heard chords I never knew existed,

As if you were my master, I was begging you to please, fuck me deeper, 

Your voice, excites, whenever you say, Kurashige.

You said not all poems needed to rhyme, in the end it all adds up

Titles and labels, age and whatever history says goes together

Doesn't matter, for some reason you are familiar, a nostalgia, 

Don't need you to complete me, I want you completely.

Now that it makes sense, let's begin again.